Saturday, December 26, 2020

HApPy Birthday Joshua, the BIG 40!

 Hello Carole,

It's a beautiful afternoon for a birthday. Danny, Kris and Josh celebrating Josh's at Monty's in Coconut Grove. 

Josh's Fookem's Fabulous Key Lime Pies going strong. His birthday a grand break for him. Making and selling pies fun, too!

December 26, 2020

Other news: Curt and I went to Larkin Hospital earlier today with hopes of getting a covid vaccine.  Was a no-go, must make appointment on Monday by phone, imagine the hold time, then wait to schedule and get. They are seeing 9 people every 20 minutes. Do the math. Vaccines scarce, not yet at Baptist, the largest chain around, or drug stores.

Tuesday, December 22, 2020

Untitled. December 2020

 Hi Carole,

A cut and paste of photo from messages worked. December 2020. Can't change size or add caption.

Flowers from Curt's office, his father died age 92.

"Purgatorial isolation” term from NYT editorial.  So expressive. 

CVS won’t have vaccine for old farts like me until March!

Friday, December 18, 2020

Josh purchased new huge mixer

 Hi Carole,

Live!  12:42 PM 

Am on phone with Josh. He is driving back from Dania auction where he purchased an industrial blender for his key limes pies!!!

Monday, October 19, 2020

October 19, 2002 to October 19, 2020

 Hello my dearest Carole, 

It is that time of year again. Eighteen years of missing and longing.

On the upside, Josh and Danny are chugging along, More than chuggging!

Our Danny, Daniel Abril, made it into the Miami Short Film Festival. His short The Incredibly Short Life of Peter Panties is a finalist!

Images of Danny, October 2020. Selfies.

Actual link: <>

It is taking place on the Beach next month, and he so wants us there, And I want to be there but am so frightened by Covid that we're passing. And that hurts.  

Being old in the time of Covid is mind shifting. Our adult kids are not affected as we are, and as they cautiously go  about their lives, we are near mute. I am anyway.

For us, it's a different universe. A sad and depressing one.

Sam had, and recovered, says he's 95 % back.

Nurse Celeste had, says she is fine.

Josh and Danny perhaps asymptomatic.

So far Curt and I are seemingly clear. But I am listless 24\7. The term coined "Covid fatigue." A fatigue like a pervasive exhaustion that sucks the energy right out of you.

Sunday, October 11, 2020

October 11, 2020


There's a meaniness about grief

the way it takes

all that we have ...

Sunday, September 27, 2020

Yom Kippur, 2020

Oh Carole, tonight is Yom Kippur and I forgot, that's how crazy things are here with Covid. And politics. 

We remember all who came before and I am missing you terribly. 

Sam and Will are stopping by for pizza tonight, very last minute. 

I just texted Danny. From South Beach he wrote back "we were lucky to have her [you] for the time that we did." Oh, Carole tears welling down my cheeks. 

Celeste could make it Friday, so we will have the kids here then, for pizza outside... Josh, Danny, Sam, William, Celeste and am so hoping Miguel, too. Plus me, Hope, and Curt. We've shrunk! 

A reworking of the High Holidays this Friday with pizza on the patio outside: terrace dining. HA!

And you my dear sister, with me - all of us -  forever.

Monday, August 3, 2020



We were so close in dreamsleep, I could smell the sweat eminating from your tanned sunburned shoulders. You in front, head turned as if looking at me behind you, like horses slowed after galloping neck to neck. Pumping air. Panting. Purring. Together.

Friday, July 24, 2020

Miami TV Producer Pivots to Producing Pies During the Pandemic

Oh Carole! You'd be tickled pink!

Way to go, Joshua.

Hawking from home, a beginning.
Cooking and baking ....

At Coconut Grove Fire Department...

There is video on youtube: so cool.....

Saturday, July 11, 2020

July 11, 2020

Hello my Carole,

A picture of an image taken at Curt's and mine wedding 30 years ago... not the best repro, the pic of a pic taken today with a cell phone from a faded orginial. 

Did we even have cell phones in 1990? I can't recall.

Curt bought me an SE iPhone for our anniversary, I was so surprized! Should have made him breakfast in bed. 

Waiting for the phone case to arrive before transferring info and setting up. So looking forward to using it.

Curt's a truly fine guy, just grand, and hard to believe we've been married thirty years. That I am that old! That he and I old together, today also his birthday, getting married on the day of so he wouldn't forget! 

Maybe iPhone will take a better picture of the pic of a pic from a lifetime ago. Always missing you, you my other half.

PS: Florida COVID at 14% of population of those tested. Most can't get tested! FL cases top 255,000, more than 4,000 deaths and climbing. 

State of Florida is COVID WORLD CAPITAL, Miami Dade County leads the pack.

Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Carole Gold Encrusted

Hi Carole,

I found the kid's book Celstial Matters writeen in 1995 ot thereabouts.   It was your tool teaching for me, showing me how to write. In the same file I found this, is a bit overdone but hey, a dream.

Gold encrusted

January 18, 2011.

Greyhound Mocha was barking to be let back in and I finally arose from bed yet it wasn’t my house I was in. The hallway was painted blue directly across from my bedroom door,  blue like the sea as children would color it,  and I saw two different doggies in the house in separate bedrooms. I did not recognize either.

Then I saw movement in the closet, a wiggle under something and you emerged from underneath blankets or silk sheets and you were beautiful as if costumed for a play, a harlequin of  glittering golden powdered seashell angled across your chin, up to the tip of your cheekbone, a diagonal to your neck with a loosely strung ivory chiffon ribboned bow like a boa, a necklace against you cotton shirt: a gift.  Your body was thin and lithe as if we were seventeen-years-old.  I pulled you into the light pouring in from the window, the sunlight streaming on you  to make sure you were real and we held each other, cradled in arms, I kissed your lips and we stood and stood and stood and I kept asking you,  staring at you, to make sure it was you with the sunlight against your face highlighting the shell glitter sparking while your eyes focused over my shoulder.

From those ashes scattered in Key West into my arms, a radiant youthful you bathed in sunlight on a new dawning day.

Saturday, May 30, 2020

Same Day: Antique Roadster and SpaceX

May 30, 2020

Top: Sam's and William's roadtrip to Cental Florida towing an antique car.

Underneath: SpaceX. Florida. Split image photo from TV screen. Left side. First stage of rocket landing exactly back on earth after after propelling astronaunts into space. Right. View from inside The Dragon. Speed lower left.

On the ground, COVID virus plague and civil unrest. 

Covid 19 deaths  in USA: 102, 833

Sunday, May 24, 2020

Before Stars

Hi Carole, 

The site remains down, but Curt was able to retrieve a portion of text from a backup.

Before Stars

Before there were stars night was an eyeless staring
with nowhere to look leading into, unmapped by any chart

and always losing itself. Because of this, women were born,
formed from the faces of candles, gasoline lanterns, or

kerosene lights, with nothing to see looking onto,
and which night knew nothing about from its distance.

Then came their flames rising like points from their
blind spots, forming stars, which night looking out of was seen

seeing women.

Carole Leslie Marcus

Revisions of Home, Stones and Stars

Hi Carole, 

The site remains down, but Curt was able to retrieve a portion of text from a backup.

Below is a poem you wrote to Donna when her first husband died.


Revisions of home.
Books on the mantel.
Chair of ten years.
Dust, the old thumbprints.

Not unusual,
this life after death.
What connects all things:
either habit,
the daily routine
that binds two people
when one is gone

Or an energy
the survivor sits with
in a dark corner talking;

the spirit struggling
to live through all it had known,
until even
these pieces of furniture

seem drained,
no longer practical?

Answers never come.
the acceptance
of this fact –

then the slow beginning
of nothing familiar,
changes that had never
stopped coming,
distance and its evidence –

until like a dream of a woman
being pulled back,
unable to continue running,
the memory rolls over
gently, lifeless.
Carole Leslie Marcus, 1977


Dedicated to sons Joshua and Daniel Abril

Either tumbled or thrown, they must learn how to fall
without breaking. For them, there is always that falling,

that breaking down, that struggle of a born-backward growth
from boulders to stones. But first they must learn

how to skid water three leaps at a time, how to assimilate
as chalk on someone’s sidewalk, and how to lie, still as stones,

on an old woman’s patio collecting soot and dust. While
once they held the weight of the world on the tips

of their shoulders, they have settled, lump backed,
in community corners, waiting to turn into sand,

and in that way be blown toward oblivion
through the fingers of children.

Carole Leslie Marcus

Before Stars

Before there were stars night was an eyeless staring
with nowhere to look leading into, unmapped by any chart

and always losing itself. Because of this, women were born,
formed from the faces of candles, gasoline lanterns, or

kerosene lights, with nothing to see looking onto,
and which night knew nothing about from its distance.

Then came their flames rising like points from their
blind spots, forming stars, which night looking out of was seen

seeing women.

Carole Leslie Marcus


Your books on the front porch resound of you,
poetry, fertile sparse pages, all come inside.

I select for your children the practical: dictionaries,
a thesaurus, books about Einstein and seashells

How proud you’d be as they leave for college
two brothers together, you and I sisters instead

We too once trounced to school, an inspiring 

universe, hand in hand, 
to renew ourselves in each other

Listen! I hear you reading, your diction perfect, 

like royalty even as your world caves in

Then your children off on bicycles,
or maybe worse, with questionable buddies

While you struggle against the blinding white 

of day, trampled bones, renegade blood 

The assaults upon you unyielding,
cherished echoes of family undone

Bright possibilities pushed aside, until near end
you find yourself again, effervescent, aglow

And then you were gone, died so suddenly,
and I am left with only half of myself.
Hope Marcus
12 August 2003


Your dawning silhouette spreads like a river through my 
slotted window blinds opened each night 
so the morning will find you.

You come not from the obscure, disguised as footprints 
along the waters edge, or as imprints on a moist grassy

But from brightening horizons, your brilliance camouflaged in 
sunrise and sunsets,hues of pink and orange that I cannot touch 
or embrace as I comb wispy plains for a trace of you.

A whisper, a breath before you again dissipate into 

invisible dimensions now closed to me even though 
we always travelled together to the end of our worlds.

Hope Marcus, Nov. 2002

Wednesday, May 20, 2020 site is down

Hi Carole,

Have been having wondeful dreams about you. Playful. 

Unfortunately, is down, a godaddy, the hosting service, problem that was supposed to have been fixed by now.

I tthink, i sincrerely hope, I have a copy of the graphics in the older computer, but haven't a clue how to actually restore the site, the software way, way beyond me now.

Love you bunches.

Sunday, May 10, 2020

Mother's Day. May 10, 2020

Mother's Day 2020 

'Scary to Go to Work':
White House Races to Contain Virus in Its Ranks
WASHINGTON — The Trump administration is racing to contain an outbreak of the coronavirus inside the White House, as some senior officials believe that the disease is already spreading rapidly through the warren of cramped offices that make up the three floors of the West Wing.

Three top officials leading the government’s coronavirus response have begun two weeks of self-quarantine after two members of the White House staff — one of President Trump’s personal valets and Katie Miller, the spokeswoman for Vice President Mike Pence — tested positive. But others who came into contact with Ms. Miller and the valet are continuing to report to work at the White House.

“It is scary to go to work,” Kevin Hassett, a top economic adviser to the president, said on CBS’s “Face the Nation” program on Sunday. Mr. Hassett said he wore a mask at times at the White House, but conceded that “I think that I’d be a lot safer if I was sitting at home than I would be going to the West Wing.”

He added: “It’s a small, crowded place. It’s, you know, it’s a little bit risky. But you have to do it because you have to serve your country.”

May 8, 2020. Celeste and Miguel. Outside.
Sideyard Mother's Day short stop by visit.

Wonderful seeing them!

Article excerpt below also from the New York Times

Cases soar past four million worldwide, and cautionary reopening tales emerge.
Worldwide, the officially reported number of coronavirus cases has soared above four million people across 177 countries, and more than a quarter million people have died, according to a New York Times database.

For many reasons, the numbers are almost certainly drastic undercounts, but tracking reports regionally and from specific countries can reveal trends, like uneven outbreaks in the U.S., the rising crisis in Russia and the ebbing of Italy’s disaster.

At the same time, small new outbreaks and other warning signs have been detected in countries that had been successful in containing the virus, presenting a cautionary tale as nations around the world debate whether to restart their economies.
China, the country where the outbreak began, began to to reopen weeks ago after reports of new cases slowed to a relative trickle. It now ranks behind 10 other countries, including Brazil, the U.K. and Iran, in its official count of cases.

Tuesday, April 21, 2020

Drive-by Birthday

Saw first drive-by birthday party at Coral Reef Park, was so eerie and sad. A lovely day, the sun in the sky gently falling, mellow yellow covering benches and trees and grassland, and a line of cars, waving ballons. 


Monday, March 23, 2020

Love in the Time of Coronavirus

Hi Carole,

Perhaps more ickiness than love, frightening.  A break with streaming from the MET Eugene Onegin. Superb opera!!!!

Positively crazy times here, topsy-turvey. Your kids OK ... 

From, relating to test to prove string theory:

Axion particles are believed to have incredibly low masses, potentially ranging from a millionth of the mass of an electron down to zero mass. The team also looked for signs of "axion-like particles," which are a broader class of ultra-low-mass particles with similar properties to axions, according to the statement. 

Additionally, these ultra-low-mass particles may sometimes convert into photons — the particles that make up light — when they pass through magnetic fields. In turn, photons may also convert into axions under certain conditions. Both scenarios depend on the mass of the particles and how easily they can make the conversion, also known as convertibility, according to the statement. 

Love you.

Friday, February 21, 2020

NERF vs Captain Hook and Peter Pan

NERF gun vs Captain Hook and Peter Pan
February 20, 2020

The Xbox broke, 
twenty-year-old tube TV flickered.
Playing ensued. 

Miguel 15, William 9.

Tuesday, February 18, 2020


Carole, I am so positively stumped without you... found your copy of Journeys in Wonderland, maybe transition(s) in it... hints? Is third person, easily changed to first. But alternative realities? I am so stuck!

WORKING COPY. Possibe closing to chapter one, ot not. 

Reflecting on that day, what also remained with me was Carolee’s full-heartedness, her kindness. It was my kid sister who ignored the splatter, timidly tippy-toed toward Mom, the glide of her feet inaudible. It was she, the youngest, who'd tugged at Mom’s bathrobe and wrapped her arms around her waist. Not me, Leslie, chickenshit, nearly wetting myself. Myrna had cleared out early on. It was the last born, seven-year-old Carolee who stepped up. 

As I said, my knowing, having already lived that timeline didn’t interfere with its happening.  And if it had turned out another way, who could say where Carolee and I would have ended up?  Our sisterhood wasn’t cut short then. Not that I had reason to think it might have although the stream of distancing might have been mangled somehow. Or I’d remember differently. However in all honesty, how could anyone forget something like that?  Still, you had to consider especially in light of Carolee’s proclivity, and her penchant for ventriloquism, throwing her voice like a time-space slingshot that would call out from faraway places. 

That day remained our secret, because Carolee made it so. Her reach then and in future years evidenced by her whimsy, the way she’d expand mythologies, explore the hidden power of inanimate things, extend them, make them malleable, turn them inside out. And suddenly — whoosh — a new beginning appeared bright and alluring renewed by a fresh perspective, her words transmuting the order of the universe. 

And now, in this present, both Carolee and her prequel, Sophie, no longer with me, I am hearing Carolee’s revelry from a yonder, feeling her prodding: her insistence: quit-ya-belly-aching, get a moving girl, you’ve a job at hand.  You must complete the story we began but could not finish together. 


Tuesday, January 21, 2020


Stories by  Ted Chiang, one titled The Truth of Fact, the Truth of Feeling ....

Friday, January 3, 2020

January 3, 2020. Carole's Birthday

My dearest sister, Carole.

In Memory of Carole Leslie Marcus
1950 - 2002

This blog entry first created using 2017 computer... The look is different, font size smaller in previous posts. Pictures of your boys — grown men now! Both images from December, 2019.

Danny, spreading tahini on bread with bananas

Joshua and yours truly